Sick of having the same argument with your spouse? Maybe you even promised each other you wouldn’t bring the topic up again. But all it took was a little spark from one or both of you and, well, now you have a raging fire on your hands.
This reoccurring argument is driving a bigger and bigger wedge between you and your spouse. Communication is breaking down and so is your relationship. By now, you may feel exasperated and powerless to fix things.
So, what can you do? Here are a few steps to take.
Having the Same Argument? Don’t Ignore the Cause.
Too many couples try to quickly apply damage control to their relationships when an argument keeps happening instead of dealing with the root problem. This is understandable since a given topic has become so volatile.
Many couples just agree not to talk about the subject anymore. They try so hard to do this but it’s no wonder they fail—again.
The problem is, they’re still stewing inside. There’s something unresolved. It’s obviously very important since you and your spouse keep having the same argument over and over.
Ignoring the problem isn’t going to make it go away. In fact, it’ll only get worse in time. It may take you some time to solve your challenges. For that reason, set some ground rules to make sure arguments don’t get out of hand in the meantime.
Here are a few common ones:
- Agree not to argue in front of your kids
- Refrain from name-calling or putdowns
- Avoid yelling at each other
- Take a break from the argument if it gets out of hand (take a walk, a drive, etc…)
Going a step further, think of something to genuinely compliment your spouse about each day. This is vital because of the amount of emotional damage previous disagreements likely have caused.
Find a Mediator to Help You Resolve Reoccurring Arguments
If you keep having the same argument, but can’t reach an agreement, you need a third party to help you. Generally speaking, a family member or friend is not a good idea.
You want to avoid someone who could be biased toward one of you. A family member will tend to be biased toward their blood relative as would a friend to their friend for obvious reasons.
Even if intentions are good, this can cause problems. If nothing else, the spouse who is not as close to the mediator will struggle to trust them. Most of the time, the problem is somewhere in the middle in a relationship.
Both parties are imperfect and have contributed to the problem. You need an unbiased mediator to bring out that fact and help you to talk through your difficulty in a safe setting.
With a trusted, unbiased mediator, you will feel much safer to share your fears and concerns free of an emotionally-charged scenario. You’ll be able to get to the root of the problem and take steps to resolve it.
You don’t need to keep having the same argument again!