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What’s wrong with holding in my feelings? 

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Keeping the peace by holding in your feelings is harmful to you. You end up internalizing your emotions. Usually, those emotions are hurt, anger, sadness, or resentment. Where do those feelings go? They stay inside you. Sometimes they make you depressed or anxious. Sometimes they make you physically sick. Do you get colds often or catch whatever illness is going around? It may be because you don’t communicate your feelings. Learn how to express your feelings.

Expressing your feelings is respecting yourself.

You are saying to those around you, I am important. My feelings matter. Now, I am not suggesting that you yell or scream to get your point across. And, I am not suggesting that you name call or belittle someone to get your feelings across either. What I am suggesting is that you communicate with your child or spouse in a way that is loving, respectful, open, and honest. The key to good communication in any relationship is taking responsibility for how you feel without attacking the other person. One way to do that is with an “I” statement. Here is an example: “I feel sad when you ignore me and I really want to talk things out when we have a disagreement.” “I feel angry when you don’t do your chores after I have asked you three times, and I need you to follow the chore chart.” Using an “I” statement is opening up a discussion in a positive way. When you use an “I” statement, you also role model for your children or other loved ones how to express your feelings in a healthy way and communicate effectively.

Learn How to Express your Feelings.

If you have trouble communicating or you just get too angry, individual or family counseling can be helpful. Learning new communication skills takes practice. Through individual therapy, couples counseling, and family therapy everyone can learn new  healthy ways to communicate. Sometimes it takes a outside observer to see what is happening when everyone is arguing. This is where a professional therapist can help identify the breakdown in communication and help you and your family express your feelings in a way that can be heard, listened to, and understood. If not with me, then with someone else. Call me to see how I can help. 661-259-8200×2.